Paging Doctor Thirteen
by Keith the Evil Dark Lord
Summary: Gallifrey is back & in an uneasy alliance at best, the Doctor & Master return home together. However, the rest of the Time Lords aren't as forgiving as both had hope. Separated once more, the Doctor heads for Earth. UNIT needs help but after being forced to regenerate for his 'crimes' so does he - err - she... Fem!Doctor 13th!Doc Oneshots mostly comical some onesided Doctor/Master
1. To Which Home isn't So Sweet

Hello! This is a little snip of the Twelfth Doctor's regeneration to the Thirteenth, which will be a she. It also has a little Missy/Doctor that's one sided (bet you can't guess which side) and an explanation as to why the Twelfth is regenerating.

This story is clearly for fun and amusement and is being made before the Ninth season so will more than likely not follow canon once the series begins. However, I have attempted to make this work so that even with the ninth season being unknown that it isn't too AU.

Lastly, feminist and Americans jokes made all in good fun. If you find any offense in these jokes, please feel free to tell me. It won't change anything but you can tell me.

ANd now, the actual last thing. I do not own Doctor Who or its characters. I simply appreciate it's beauty and enjoy writing about it. I make no profit from my story in money, only in smiles and laughter so if that's a crime, then sue me.

* * *

 _The Doctor edged his way backwards around the controls of the TARDIS, making ample sure not to remove his eyes from Missy. He knew better than to look away from his female counterpart, or at least he should seeing as he'd known her for so long, over twelve centuries to be more specific._

 _Missy smiled a Cheshire smile at him while showing off his Sonic Screwdriver dangling in between her fingers. He had dropped only moments ago when the blasted woman had snuck up on him and smacked his rump._

 _"Missy," the Doctor said as patiently as he could. "Hand me my screwdriver."_

 _Missy, all smiles, extended her hand holding the Sonic Screwdriver out towards the Doctor but when the Doctor reached for it, Missy snapped her hand back and jumped forward instead. The Doctor recoiled, falling onto his rear, which sent Missy into a fit of laughter._

 _"Jumpy, aren't you Doctor?" she cackled. The Doctor sent her an unamused looked that Missy returned with a mock pout. "Aw, Doctor, you never play with me anymore."_

 _"You're games are far too... physical for my taste," said the Doctor as he stood up, dusting himself off._

 _Missy cackled again._

 _"Oh, if only one of your little companions had heard you say that," she snickered, wiping a fake tear from her eye. "The look on their precious little faces!"_

 _The Doctor, ignoring the comment he didn't understand, sent Missy a dark look._

 _"Let's just get to Gallifrey, shall we?" he said before snatching his Sonic Screwdriver out of Missy's hand. "Thank you."_

 _Missy smiled her usual unnerving smile his direction so the Doctor quickly busied himself with setting the course for the TARDIS. Unfortunately, that meant he removed his eyes from Missy, which was something he really should have known better then to do by now._

 _Missy placed laid her arm over the Doctor's right shoulder. She propped her head on her arm and sighed dramatically for effect._

 _"Can you believe it, Doctor?" she said, her face entirely too close to the Doctor's than to the Doctor's liking. "You and I are finally going home."_

 _"Not soon enough," muttered the Doctor, removing Missy's limbs from him. "Now would you mind backing away from me?"_

 _Missy did her fake pout again but the Doctor was unaffected by it, which in turn made Missy frown._

 _"Say something nice," she whispered, leaning carefully on the controls._

 _"No," said the Doctor, only watching Missy with one eye as he finished with the controls._

 _"Why not?" Missy demanded, pouting again._

 _"Because you kill people every time you do and I'd rather appreciate not dying in my TARDIS today, alright?"_

 _He punched in the last location then. The TARDIS gave its signature shutter._

 _"Doctor_..."

* * *

The phone was ringing and the Doctor was on the ground now. Missy was gone. Why was Missy gone? The Doctor couldn't remember. But something had happened, something important had happened.

The phone was still ringing.

The Doctor moved to stand by grabbing the control table to pull himself but the extra length of his jacket covered his hand so he lost his grip. Wait, extra length of his jacket? His clothes fit him perfectly!

Angrily, the Doctor did his best at throwing off his jacket while still lying dazed on the floor. When he finally succeeded, he found that his clothes were all in fact too big on him but he'd deal with that later.

First, the Doctor needed to stand up.

But when the Doctor returned to his action of pulling himself to his feet, he noticed a second abnormality. His hand was younger and much softer, not to mention smaller.

Realization hit him like a Raxacoricofallapatorian in a boxing match.

"Awe shit," he said in a voice he was most definitely not familiar with.

And the blasted phone was still ringing!

* * *

" _Doctor..."_

 _The Doctor shot up straight. Missy was hugging him._

 _"Yes?" he asked uncomfortably._

 _"We're home," said Missy quietly before squeezing me one last time and letting go._

 _"We are," said the Doctor a little softer than he had meant._

* * *

Finally, the Doctor got onto his new feet only after kicking off his giant shoes. He stumbled forward but was able to reach the ringing phone before colliding into the control panel.

"Ow," he said in his new, higher pitched voice. He touched his head gingerly and found that he had a lot more hair. Quickly, he looked at it but was disappointed to find that, once again, he was still not ginger.

The blasted phone rang again, returning the Doctor to what he was supposed to be doing. He put it against his ear just as the TARDIS let out a shutter. The control panel sparked and smoke filled his nostrils.

"Hello?" he said, coughing into the receiver.

There was a pause, and then...

"Doctor?"

* * *

 _Missy led the March out of the TARDIS, cackling a bit as she did. The Doctor followed her, only finding slight amusement at the sight of his once best friend skipping through the fields of red grass. They were home, finally home._

 _He had only just locked the TARDIS doors when a metal point of a gun was dug into his back._

 _"Freeze, traitor."_

 _The Doctor cocked an eyebrow. Well, at least that hadn't changed._

* * *

"Doctor, is that you?" asked the female voice on the other end.

The Doctor coughed again while trying to fan away the smoke of the controls.

"Yes, yes, it's me," he said with watery eyes from the smoke. "And who's this?"

"Kate..."

"Kate," repeated the Doctor, letting the name twirl around in his head. "Kate... Kate, Kate..." It clicked. "Oh! Kate! Hello! Sorry, memories a bit lost at the moment. I could barely tell the differences between an Abzorbaloff and a -"

"You sound different, Doctor," said Kate Stewart, head of the UNIT Science Department.

"Good different or bad different?" the Doctor asked before hastily adding, "wait, I'm sorry, I've already used that one. What kind of different, Kate?"

"It's not important," said Kate dismissively. "UNIT needs your help."

"Oh?" said the Doctor, standing up straighter, which led him to realizing he was a lot shorter now. "Are you in trouble? I like trouble - wait a minute, I do? That's weird. I don't usually like trouble. Try to avoid it if I can, you see."

"Yes well," said Kate, sounding rather confused. "Could you just..."

"Yes, right," said the Doctor, "on my way!"

* * *

 _The Doctor and Missy were marched through the city and into the Tower of the Council in complete silence. Missy attempted conversation multiple times but only she responded to herself so it was rather annoying for the Doctor - especially when she started talking about the last time they were brought to the Tower together._

 _"Do you think they're going to torture us, Doctor?" she asked dreamily. "I always wanted to scream along with you."_

 _After failing with his words at first, the Doctor finally replied sarcastically with, "Pleased to know."_

* * *

The TARDIS shook and _VROOP_ 'ed _VROOP_ 'ed before finally landing with a shutter. The Doctor was still tripping over his own two feet, and large pants, as he made his way to the TARDIS door. He swung it open, blinding himself with the bright light of the sun.

"Kate!" he cried cheerfully, when he was finally able to make out the blonde woman's figure, along with several others in black, standing a few paces away from the TARDIS.

"Doctor?"

* * *

 _The Council peered down at the Doctor and Missy with looks of strong distaste. The Doctor couldn't believe their words._

 _Force regeneration because of war crimes... But he had saved Gallifrey!_

 _Missy's punishment was worse, however. Paralyzed incarceration until her current body died of old age followed by another two hundred year sentence._

 _"Do you have anything to say for your crimes committed against your own people?"_

 _"Yes," said the Doctor. "This is complete bu-"_

 _The Regeneration had begun._

* * *

"Kate, Kate, Kate!" the Doctor chanted, running towards said woman. He fell because of his pants but was able to keep going once he kicked them off. He pulled Kate into a hug, realizing then that he only reached her shoulders in height. "Where's the trouble? Point me in its direction so I may vanquish it!"

"Doctor?" said Kate. It seemed to be the only thing she was capable of saying.

"Yes, that's me," said the Doctor cheerfully. He loosened his grip so that he could get a better look at Kate. "I couldn't have changed that much, could I?"

"You're-"

"A brunette again," said the Doctor, sighing dramatically. "I know! And short, so freaking short! And look at these hands! Such girly hands! Woman should have these hands, Kate. Not me."

"But Doctor, you're a-"

"I know Kate. I know," said the Doctor solemnly. "I'm... I'm... I'm an American."

The Doctor buried his head in his lady hands in shame for half a second before looking cross.

"But it's the Council's fault," he growled grumpily. "They forced me to regenerate for war crimes. War crimes, Kate! Me! The one that saved their sorry asses from complete destruction accused of war crimes. Talk about grateful."

Kate took a firm grip of the Doctor's arms - which seemed to be lacking a great deal in size - fixing his shirt that was sliding off his shoulder. She cleared her throat and motioned for the Doctor to look down.

"What?" said the Doctor, glancing down halfheartedly. "I know I'm not in pants. I have boxers on. No need to panic."

"No," said Kate, shaking her head in tired patiences. "Doctor, look at your chest."

"Why?" said the Doctor but Kate simply motioned that he do as she said.

Sighing in annoyance, the Doctor did as Kate requested and looked down at his chest... And looked... And looked...

"Well, fuck."


	2. To Which Women, Americans, and Past Selv

So back again! This was written before I set out on my trip to NU so it's not new. With that said, all my Alexis Lestrange followers, I finally to finish the chapter this weekend. It has been updated!

Warnings to this chapter: Well, the chapter title says it all really. If you are offended by a woman writing the thoughts of another woman who used to be a man (confusing...) and still kind of thinks like one, sorry. If you're American, you'll understand everything I say is with love (but CAN NOT be denied). Lastly, if you actually do get offended by my OC's comments, go ahead and tell me. I don't know if it will change anything but I'd like to know for future works.

* * *

To Which Women, Americans, and Past Selves are Insulted

 _Clara was gone. Happy, but still gone. The Doctor didn't want to talk about it but that didn't seem to stop Missy from trying to make him._

 _"Now Doctor," said Missy, sitting unnecessarily close to the Doctor on the couch in the library of the TARDIS. The Doctor inched away. "You must open up. We're friends remember?"_

 _"As I remember," said the Doctor, giving up on sitting entirely when Missy practically sat on top of him, "we were friends. That does not mean we are now."_

 _Missy laughed, "Tomato, tomato."_

 _Under his breath, the Doctor muttered a curse that distinctly had the word women in it._

"I have milk slingers!" the Doctor shrieked in a panic laced voice, touching said part of his - err - her anatomy. "Oh God, do we actually call them that? What a horrible name for an extension of the body."

"Doctor, please stop touching yourself," said Kate in a strained voice. She was pinching her nose all the while the Doctor panicked. "Boston, give the lady your jacket."

"Yes ma'am," said a tall UNIT soldier with a burly look to him.

"Can I have his hat too?" asked the Doctor, who had suddenly silenced in her panic when the soldier's jacket dropped onto her shoulders and all but swallowed her whole.

"I-I suppose," said Kate, looking as if she was far done with this situation. "Give her the hat, Boston and then load up. We'll discuss more at HQ."

"We could take the TARDIS!" said the Doctor excitedly.

Suddenly she fell over nothing and if it wasn't for the soldier next to her she would have collided with the ground.

"Good catch," the Doctor muttered before falling unconscious.

The soldier holding the now unconscious and currently half naked Time Lord looked up at Kate with concern.

"Ma'am?" he asked.

"Yes, soldier?"

"Permission to curse?"

Kate thought about it for half a second before saying, "Permission granted."

"Shit."

 _He didn't like having Missy on board his TARDIS but he had made a deal and this regeneration stuck by his word. However, he would appreciate it if Missy would leave him and his things alone._

 _"I'm warning you now," he said slowly, his patience growing thin. "Put the holographic manipulator down."_

 _"But it's so much fun to play with," cackled Missy, once more changing the clothes the Doctor was wearing. Last time it was tuxedo, this time it was a clown costume - make that an angry clown. "And you're so handsome when you're angry... And in big shoes."_

The Doctor woke up with a groan. They were in a vehicle, a van to be exact, moving roughly 65mph - err 105km - (stinking American thought process) down a less than busy highway of some sort as the road below the tires (the left front tire being a little shy on air) was smooth and properly paved.

"Are you alright, Doctor?" said Kate. She was sitting across from the Doctor, wearing a look of concern on her face.

"Oh, just peachy," grumbled the Doctor, shaking her head along with her longer than necessary brown locks. "Of course the first time I'm a woman I'd faint. It doesn't matter that the Hair did too because-"

"The hair?" Kate repeated, cutting the Doctor off.

"Yes, the Hair," said the Doctor. Her green eyes widened. "Oh god, I think I've nicknamed my past lives. I hate nicknames! Wait a minute, no I don't. I love nicknames. Nicknames are fun."

"Okay," said Kate, simply trying to accept the Doctor's new weirdness. It would have been easier if he were a he instead of her. Something about the gender change made Kate uncomfortable but she didn't exactly know why. "Which one is the Hair?"

"Oh, well he's the one between Ears and Chin," said the Doctor. "Last one was Eyebrows, who followed Chin. And before Ears was Scratchy Voice - your father knew me as Bowl Cut, Car Thief, and Scarf mostly, and I'm pretty sure he used those nicknames for me as well."

"Something or the other," mumbled Kate in agreement.

 _Missy tried to get the Doctor to dance with her instead of working on the TARDIS but the Doctor refused._

 _"I'd like to go home eventually, you know," he grumbled as Missy laughed and danced by herself._

 _"Always such a spoil sport," she teased, spinning around her imaginary partner to absolutely no music. "Hopefully your next life is more fun."_

 _"Is that a threat, Missy?" the Doctor asked, looking up from his work. He jumped back when he found himself only inches from Missy._

 _"Just wishful thinking," Missy replied, smiling devilishly._

Kate had decided to make a list of the Doctor's characteristics. All the other times she had just 'gone with it' as it were, but this new regeneration had her stumped. She pulled out a red pen and began making her list while watching the Doctor entertain herself. Kate might as well have, seeing as she had to wait for Ginevra to call.

Clicking her pen she began...

 _Female..._

Most definitely the most noticeable characteristic of the Doctor, Kate would point out. Even in the borrowed UNIT uniform, the Doctor looked most definitely feminine.

 _American..._

Kate almost just wrote loud instead but decided American described the Doctor a bit more accurately. She was of course still loud but only in the way one would expect from an American female.

 _Enjoys annoying others_...

Well, at least that hadn't changed, but poor Sergeant Boston deserved a raise with all the hell the Doctor was putting him through. The lad couldn't so much as stand at attention without the Doctor nitpicking at him. She was doing it constantly but without malice, almost as if...

 _Flirtatious_...

If her father wasn't dead already, Kate was quite sure this description of the Doctor would have done the trick. Whether or not the Doctor knew she was acting that way was still on the table but Sergeant Boston certainly noticed. He kept sending Kate a 'What am I supposed to do?' look every chance he could but Kate would fight back her laughter in response. He really did deserve a raise.

 _Easily entertained..._

When Sergeant Boston finally relented and let the Doctor see his UNIT issued torch, the Time Lord looked as if Christmas had come early. She even squealed before quickly apologizing and blaming it on her blasted hormones. Poor Sergeant Boston blushed. He was most definitely getting a raise.

 _Very American..._

The Doctor accidentally blinded herself with the torch and let out a slew of curse words, most of which Kate hadn't even heard of.

 _Sporadic_...

Or easily distracted might have worked better. The moment that the Doctor finished fiddling with the 'flashlight' (as the Doctor called it), she began pestering Private Andrews over the wedding band he was wearing to asking Sergeant Boston if he was gay or had a dog to explain his lack of ring. Yes, he was most definitely getting a raise if Kate could help it.


	3. To Which the Doctor Fufills Stereostypes

And we're back with another chapter of our favorite female Doctor! Stereotypes again people along with more one-sided Master/Doctor. Remember, I own nothing except the idea of 13's personality and characteristics and things of that nature. Also, I may or may not have made a Harry Potter reference in here so...

Enjoy!

* * *

. To Which the Doctor Fulfills Stereotypes

 _He didn't lose consciousness when his regeneration process began despite wishing he had. When he had fallen to his knees in complete agony he knew only from forced regeneration, he bit back the scream building in his throat and closed his eyes so tight he thought that they might never open again. And perhaps they wouldn't. After all, regeneration was a bit tricky._

 _"Doctor," said Missy at his side. She was doing the blasted touching thing again where she would hug him. "My sweet Doctor."_

 _His eyes shot open wide when Missy was forcibly removed from him and he let out a grunt of pain. This wasn't at all what he had been expecting when he came home to Gallifrey. Not that he had been expecting much, just not this._

 _"Take her away," said the council as two armed soldiers lifted Missy off the floor and farther away from the Doctor._

 _Missy reached for him but in his pain all the Doctor could do was cry out._

 _"He saved you!" Missy shrieked in anger as she was dragged away. "He saved all of you! How dare you - how dare you harm your savior! Your hero!"_

 _The Doctor faded in an out of unconsciousness after that, only hearing one last order from the Council before becoming dormant to all._

 _"Return him to his TARDIS..."_

* * *

"Do you want me to be the mysterious hero to your story or not?" the Doctor asked the leaders Geneva, tapping her foot impatiently. They had only just informed UNIT and the Doctor of the crisis at hand but were now questioning on whether or not the Doctor was in fact the Doctor.

"We are simply asking for proof that you are who you say you are-"

"I've got a box bigger on the inside, a magic stick, and was a troublesome youth," said the Doctor. "I'm either the Doctor or Barty freaking Crouch. You decide! I'm going to go save the world. Kate!"

Kate straightened in her chair.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"I'm taking a vehicle," said the Doctor, straightening the cap she had taken from Sergeant Boston and had yet - and probably wouldn't - give back. "I'm also not sure if I can drive in this regeneration so I'm taking Mr. Hulk," she pointed her thumb at Boston, "with me. Wanna come?"

Blowing caution and protocol to the wind, Kate shrugged.

"Someone has to keep an eye on you."

* * *

 _It took a great deal for the Doctor to allow Missy onto his TARDIS, but somehow he found himself actually leading her into his ship arm and arm after he agreed to take her home with him._

 _"Just like the good old days," Missy said with a sigh, leaning her head onto the Doctor's arm._

 _"And when were those exactly?" the Doctor asked, attempting to shrug Missy off of him. Instead the Time Lady tightened her grip._

 _"When we were young and in love," said Missy dreamily._

 _The Doctor raised an eyebrow._

 _"Did you hit your head or something?" he asked, finally succeeding to remove Missy from his personal space. "Us young and in loved?"_

 _Missy sighed again, looking distantly across the TARDIS with a fond look._

 _"Well, young," she corrected. "The love can come later."_

* * *

Aliens hijacking cellphone towers so that they could turn human beings into living slaves should have worried the Doctor a bit more in Kate's opinion but if anything it seemed to excite her. The twelve thousand plus year old Time Lord - err - Lady, seemed absolutely ecstatic. She was all but bouncing in her seat of the slightly dented car (as it would turn out, this regeneration couldn't drive, which was another thing the Doctor blamed the Council and her gender for. Kate was starting to wonder if she should be getting offended).

"Are we there yet, Captain Britain?" the Doctor asked impatiently.

"Not yet ma- Captain Britain?" Boston said, changing subjects suddenly. He snapped his head in the Doctor's direction only to see her shrug in response.

"Well, with that accent you can't be Captain America," she said dismissively. "Now focus on the rode Thing, before we crash."

Kate watched Sergeant Boston grumble under his breath but continued to drive dutifully. She wondered idly if he was the Benton to her Brigadier. Either way, the two of them had their own Doctor to deal with just like those before them.

* * *

 _The Doctor and Missy agreed to leave for Gallifrey first thing in the morning after the Doctor did a quick scan - or rather, the Doctor said so. Missy didn't seem to care either way. She used what little time they had between now and their departure to bother the Doctor in any way imaginable including knocking on the Doctor's door late at night - or whatever time it was he decided to go to sleep - in the absolutely most inappropriate pattern._

 _One, two, three, four..._

 _One, two, three, four..._

 _It drove the Doctor wild but every time he opened his door to yell at Missy, she would just smile and ask to come in. In response, the Doctor would slam his door shut looking flustered (Missy would cackle) and try to go to sleep again. Missy would wait a few minutes before knocking again._

 _One, two, three, four..._

 _One, two, three, four..._

* * *

Somehow, and Kate was trying very hard to figure it out herself, the Doctor was beamed up to the alien's (she called them something with Electra at the beginning of their name but the rest sounded like gibberish to Kate) spaceship along with Sergeant Boston, leaving Kate alone with only the instructions to deactivate the mind control mechanism written on the back of a napkin with a ketchup stain in green ink. As she began climbing the cellphone tower to escape the mind controlled workers and save the world from becoming mindless zombies, Kate wondered what the Doctor was up to. Never in her wildest dreams would she have figured that the Doctor was playing a tag team game of life or death laser tag.

"It's alright, Thor," the Doctor said, pushing Sergeant Boston out of the way of an Electratatiarian's laser and onto the ground. "There's just some electrical charges in your life that you just can't control."

"WHAT?" Boston shouted in confusion while shooting his strange alien laser gun (which he still wasn't sure he was holding correctly) at one of his and the Doctor's opponents. It missed by a mile despite the fact that he was a class A marksman.

"In other words," said the Doctor, who actually hit her target unlike Sergeant Boston despite her gun being pointed at the ceiling, "this is my rodeo, so get hell out of the way!"

She shot twice more, this time at Boston's target, and hit the alien both times. He fell to the ground dead like his partner.

"We won!" the Doctor cried victoriously and Sergeant Boston couldn't help but to laugh at her.

The centuries old Time Lord was dancing happily as Boston climbed back up on his feet. He nearly fell back down again when the Doctor hugged him and then, in her excitement, kissed him full on the lips!

"Damn it!" the Doctor cursed when she pulled back, angry with herself. "I'm going to murder whichever one of them made me a stereotypical American, white woman. Absolutely murder them! Freaking woman hormones! I'm like a freaking movie character!"

Sergeant Boston, however, was not complaining.


	4. TW the Dr Finds Kidnapping as No Big

And guess who' snack? Your favorite Doctor! And Keith, Keith is back too ;-P

* * *

To Which the Doctor Finds Kidnapping Not a Big Deal

 _The Doctor did not take kindly to being played especially when the one playing him was Missy. It infuriated him to no end that she could even. He understood Clara being able to, she was his friend, but Missy was a different story._

 _"So will you, Doctor?" said Missy, making her way over to him. "Will you take me home?"_

 _He hadn't wanted to - why would he ever want to do something for her? - but the Doctor knew he would in the end._

 _"I will," he said, in a reluctant voice._

 _Missy leaned towards his ear and whispered, "Promise me?"_

 _A second passed, and then..._

 _"You have my word."_

* * *

Kate spit out her beer. The invasion was over and, after Kate had successfully deactivated the mechanism on top of the tower, they had been completely victorious. UNIT was celebrating their victory along with the Doctor in a small pub outside of London.

"Repeat that, soldier," choked Kate, still coughing on her beer.

"She kissed me," said Sergeant Boston (or simply Boston now that they were off duty) once more.

"The Doctor?" asked Kate, her eyes falling on said Time Lord as she waited by the bar for their next round.

"Yep," said Boston.

"That one, right there?" Kate asked pointing.

"The very same," said Boston dryly.

"The alien that until today has spent twelve hundred plus years as a man kissed you?"

"She said she was eighteen hundred," said Boston with a shrug of his shoulders while taking a sip of his beer.

"Was it good?"

"Definitely wasn't horrible," said Boston, drunk just enough not to find this conversation with his boss weird. "She blamed it on the Council and her female hormones though."

"Guess that makes it a one time deal," Kate muttered before finishing her beer as quickly as she could.

She couldn't help but notice how disappointed her words made Boston look.

* * *

 _He waited until after making sure Kate was okay, after Clara was home, and even after failing to find Gallifrey to cry. Not just because the fear that he may not ever find his home assaulted him like a thousands knives, but because the realization that he was, once again, alone burned him like salt on his wounds. His hearts ached, throbbing painfully in his chest as he slammed his fist into the TARDIS controls in anger. He knew it wasn't fair to his ship, that it wasn't her fault, but he couldn't stop himself._

 _The Doctor was alone, surrounded by millions of worlds and living beings, and he was alone._

 _All alone once again..._

* * *

"Don't be ridiculous, Katy," said the Doctor, fixing her (Boston's) hat so that its bill was on the back of her head. "I'm a Time Lord. We don't get drunk."

Kate was unconvinced but she did have to admit that the Doctor's motor skills were a great deal better than her own and Boston's.

"Nonetheless, I must insist you stay on Earth until you get some rest," said Kate, watching Boston rock left and right from his spot against the wall. He wasn't going to make it very far if they didn't get a taxi but it was his fault. Trying to out drink the Doctor would do that to you especially when the Doctor cheated and would give her beer away when Boston wasn't looking.

The Doctor squealed. Yes, that's right. She squealed.

"We can have a slumber party!" the Doctor cried, jumping up and down while clapping her hands. She stopped herself immediately when she realized what she was doing. "Aargh! I'm such a woman!"

Boston snorted, most definitely too drunk to remember that his _boss_ was also a female and present as well, saying, "And American."

"No one asked you Wolverine," said the Doctor. "Your named after an American city most renowned for rebelling against Britain."

"That's my last name," argued Boston.

"Well I'd sure hope so," said the Doctor. "Who the hell names their child Boston?"

Kate sighed. She was going to have to call the sitter and make sure it was okay she worked over night because there was no way she was leaving Boston and the Doctor alone together. The two were arguing in such a flirtatious manner it made her uneasy but it was probably due to the fact that the Doctor was still a man in her mind no matter how much like a woman she looked. Not that Kate was against same sex relationships. She was just wary of Doctor and anything relationships especially when she wasn't sure if the Doctor was acting like a typical drunk female on purpose.

"We'll never hail a cab!" bemoaned the Doctor when a third taxi blazed passed them.

"Gran's is only a block away," slurred Boston.

The Doctor bounced up immediately with excitement.

"To grandmother's house!"

* * *

 _The fact that they had to stop in Cardiff to refuel wouldn't have bothered the Doctor so much had Missy not been so adamant that they go sight see while they waited. He could fathom what made the insane Time Lady want to go sightseeing in a_ human _anything let alone a city like Cardiff._

 _Of course he figured it out when they were on the docks and Missy made her fifth attempt at grabbing his hand._

 _"Missy," the Doctor sighed warningly as his fellow Time Lord began leaning against his sighed. "People are staring."_

 _"Good," Missy purred - she honestly purred! - into his ear. "Let them look."_

 _"You're making a scene," grumbled the Doctor, trying his best to get Missy to un-cling from him. "People are going to think-"_

 _"- that we're young and in love?" offered Missy._

 _The Doctor snorted in disbelief._

 _"We, Missy," he said, with one final and vain effort to push Missy away, "are not young."_

 _"Ahh, but in love," sighed Missy as her head finally rested in the crook of the Doctor's neck. She let her eyes flutter close. "Being in love makes us young again."_

 _And although he did not shake Missy off of him, the Doctor did mutter to her, "We will never be young again."_

* * *

In the back of Boston's mind he knew that enjoying the company of the Doctor the way he did was not a wise thing to do. Not only was the woman an eighteen hundred year old alien, she was an eighteen hundred year old alien who had until recently spent her whole life as a man. It was strange by far, insane even, but Boston would be lying if he said he didn't have a soft spot for beautiful woman.

"The TARDIS is just up there," said Kate as Boston drove her and the Doctor through the base - or at least he was driving the Doctor until she rolled out of the car and sprinted to her police box shaped ship.

"Oh, my baby," sighed the Doctor, doing her very best to hug the front of the TARDIS despite her tiny arms. "Daddy's missed you... Err, well, I suppose it's mommy now, but I don't see why there isn't a gender equality term for - no! I will not be a feminist in this life. I down right refuse!"

Boston shared a look with his boss who seemed to be getting more accepting with the Doctor's tendency to sound sexist. He was sure the only reason Kate hadn't reprimanded the alien was because the Doctor was now also a female. Now if Boston had said some of the things the Doctor said towards the fairer sex... he shuddered at the thought.

"Well," said the Doctor, throwing open the TARDIS doors dramatically. "Let's see my girl's new look."

The Doctor strutted inside the police box with, in Boston's opinion, far too much sass for an alien that had spent eighteen hundred years as a man. After a wary look shared between the two UNIT members, both Kate and Boston joined the Time Lady in her ship.

It was like walking into a modern day piece of art. There's seemed to be a pattern behind the madness of wires and glowing tubes that lines the walls and under the glass floors but Boston couldn't quite put his finger on it. Three sets of stairs, one of which being spiral, another only wide enough for one person while the other the size of a grand staircase one found in a palace, all led to three different platforms of different heights that in turn led to several different doors that where all of a different shape and size like the doors on the first floor and the floor below the glass. Lastly, in the center of the massive and abstract room, there was a grand control panel, lined with glass so that all of the blinking lights, wires and tubes where visible, despite their bunched, and patternless look. A glass column in the center of the control panel was glowing blue and green and humming a musical tone.

Boston whistled at the sight.

"Hey, buy her dinner first, bud," teased the Doctor, jumping around her ship like a playful child. "Good look though, right?"

"It's very... Fitting for you," said Kate.

The Doctor seemed to approve of this answer because she sent Kate a toothy smile before flipping a switch on the controls.

"Now let's see how she flies!" she shouted cheerfully, before slamming her hands over a series of buttons and pulling several levers.

"Wait, Doctor!" cried Kate, alarmed but the Doctor seemingly ignored her.

"We're going on an adventure!" the Doctor exclaimed with a joyful laugh.

And it was a laugh Boston couldn't stop himself from joining in on.

* * *

 _There was only one moment when Missy was on the TARDIS that the Doctor enjoyed - when the blasted woman was asleep! Of course, the one time the Time Lady had finally fallen asleep, the Doctor hadn't been able to enjoy the silence the way he had wanted to as she had fallen asleep on him._

 _He had been trying to read up on a missing piece to his backup neutron calibrator in the library when Missy had plotted herself next to him on the couch before proceeding to latch onto his arm and... snuggle him._

 _"I'm... reading," grumbled the Doctor, as he tried fending Missy off with his free hand as she tried to snuggle closer._

 _"But you're so comfortable, Doctor," whined Missy, before successfully wrapping her arms around the Doctor and burying her head into his chest. "There. Much better, don't you think?"_

 _The Doctor huffed, unamused, and making a point not to look away from his book._

 _"You don't have to keep your arm in the air you know, silly man," said Missy. "I don't bite."_

 _"Liar," retorted the Doctor but his arm was getting tired and he only needed one to keep reading._

 _Finally, after a very long and stubborn minute, the Doctor lowered his arm so that it gingerly rested on Missy's side in the most innocent way possible._

 _"Now was that so hard?" Missy purred._

 _The Doctor would have retorted rudely in response but he realized it would have been in vain. Missy had already fallen asleep and very soon so was the Doctor, his arm now possessively holding Missy to his side as they both slept peacefully in what felt like forever to the Doctor._

* * *

"You know, most people are more considerate when their friend takes them on a free vacation to an exotic land simply out of the kindness of their two hearts," grumbled the Doctor as she, Boston, and Kate ran.

"Kidnapping and bringing someone to a volcanic planet with humanoids that are borderline cannibals is not something that deserves my consideration at all, Doctor," panted Kate as quietly as she could after Boston pulled both women behind a rock formation. A herd of alien savages charged by in a hungry frenzy seconds later, completely overlooking them.

"Good job, Quicksilver," said the Doctor, opting to compliment Boston over remark on Kate's nitpicking. "Shall we continue our running?"

"Doctor!" Kate hissed. "Are you not listening to me? You can't just do that!"

"Do what?" asked the Doctor innocently.

"Kidnap people!"

The Doctor sighed dramatically, throwing her hands on her hips.

"Are we really going to talk about this right now?"

"Yes! We're going to talk about this -" an arrow lodged into the rock only an inch from Kate's face "- as soon as we're back on the TARDIS."

The trio took off running as a series of battle cries filled the air and a band of natives charged after them.

"Oh, it's good to be young!" laughed the Doctor.


End file.
